How to deal with imposter syndrome
The secret? Use it as a strength, not a weakness.
Have you ever felt like you don’t belong? Like your friends or colleagues are going to discover you’re a fraud, and you don’t actually deserve your job and accomplishments?
The first time that happened to me was when I got accepted on my university, and My inner narrative is that they must have been short on candidates, second time I was sitting in a big meeting and I just know that the boss will walk in any minute, tap me on the shoulder, and tell me Lamiae we have finally realized that you are really not qualified for the job (even though I’m the most experienced person in the room), also I got this feeling every time I am getting ready to give a presentation, and I’m secretly think that I’m about to be found out for how hopeless I really am.
Do you feel the same? if so then welcome to the Imposter syndrome club.
I didn’t know anything about what it was, the first time I got the name was while watching a video in TED Talks, I found this video’s name “Imposter syndrome” and I was like: what ? Imposter? what this all mean?
I started by searching what that means:
“Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a concept describing individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and have a persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.” — Wikipedia
Where does it come from?
I find that there are a lot of reasons like:
Childhood:
The effects of our families, for example, when parents programme the child with messages of superiority: the child is so fully supported that the parents and child believe that he or she is superior or perfect, or when the child might be designated the ‘intelligent’ one and the other the ‘sensitive’ one.
I also found that there are other thoughts that can effect us like:
“I must not fail” There can be a huge amount of pressure currently not to fail in order to avoid being “found out.” Paradoxically, success also becomes an issue as it brings the added pressure of responsibility and visibility. This leads to an inability to enjoy success.
“I feel like a fake” Imposters believe they do not deserve success or professional accolades and feel that somehow others have been deceived into thinking otherwise. This goes hand in hand with a fear of being “found out”, discovered, or “unmasked”. They believe they give the impression that they are more competent than they are and have deep feelings that they lack knowledge or expertise. Often they believe they don’t deserve a position or a promotion and are anxious that “somebody made a mistake”.
“It’s all down to luck” The tendency to attribute success to luck or to other external reasons and not their abilities is a clear indicator of imposter syndrome. They may typically say or think: “I just got lucky” or “it was a fluke”. Often this masks the fear that they will not be able to succeed the next time.
And while searching I found that there are a lot of famous people that they have the same syndrome:
In fact, even, Kate Winslet, American actress, faced feelings of imposter syndrome while she was winning awards, and going from strength to strength. She says that:
“ Sometimes I wake up in the morning before going off to a shoot, and I think, I can’t do this. I’m a fraud.’”
You can find more quotes of famous people in this Link, just to have a clear idea that you are not alone and that even people that we think they are our idol can have it too.
What’s your imposter type?
Research reveals there are not one, but 5 types of imposter syndrome that plague most successful people:
The perfectionist: they set excessively high goals for themselves, and when they fail to reach a goal, they experience major self-doubt and worry about measuring up. Whether they realize it or not, this group can also be control freaks, feeling like if they want something done right, they have to do it themselves.
Not sure if this applies to you? Ask yourself these questions:
- Have you ever been accused of being a micromanager?
- Do you feel like your work must be 100% perfect, 100% of the time?
The expert: they measure their competence based on “what” and “how much” they know or can do. Believing they will never know enough, they fear being exposed as inexperienced or unknowledgeable.
Not sure if this applies to you? Ask yourself these questions:
- Do you shy away from applying to job postings unless you meet every single educational requirement?
- Are you constantly seeking out trainings or certifications because you think you need to improve your skills in order to succeed?
The rugged individual/the soloist: Sufferers who feel as though asking for help reveals their phoniness are what Young calls Soloists. It’s OK to be independent, but not to the extent that you refuse assistance so that you can prove your worth.
Not sure if this applies to you? Ask yourself these questions:
- Do you firmly feel that you need to accomplish things on your own?
- “I don’t need anyone’s help.” Does that sound like you?
The superwoman/man: This is a person with a can-do attitude who is prone to pushing themselves to their limits. These kinds of people feel the need to prove themselves and feel like they constantly need to earn their stripes.
Not sure if this applies to you?
- Do you stay later at the office than the rest of your team, even past the point that you’ve completed that day’s necessary work?
- Do you get stressed when you’re not working and find downtime completely wasteful?
The natural genius: This person has genetics on their side. They are naturally smart and talented but have difficulty facing challenges out of their expertise because it makes them feel stupid.
Not sure if this applies to you?
- Are you used to excelling without much effort?
- Do you have a track record of getting “straight A’s” or “gold stars” in everything you do?
For me I’m an expert and sometimes I’m the superwoman, It’s true that there’s always more to learn. Striving to bulk up my skill set can certainly help me make strides professionally and keep me competitive in the job market. But taken too far, the tendency to endlessly seek out more information can actually be a form of procrastination, and I really try to manage it.
Now I need to know how to deal with it?
Realise that other people feel the same way. In fact, the more successful you are, the more prone you are to feeling like an imposter.
The feelings of imposter syndrome don’t go away with time, they tend to follow us around, tainting all our experiences and future successes. The people who push through imposter syndrome have one thing in common: they don’t abandon the situation that they find themselves in — they don’t give up. They turn their fear of failure and embarrassment into a motivational tool to keep moving forward.
Actionable strategies:
- The first thing you need to do is Recognise imposter feeings when they emerge. Awareness is the first step to change, so ensure you track these thoughts: what they are and when they emerge.
- Rewrite your mental programmes. Instead of telling yourself they are going to find me out or that I don’t deserve success, remind yourself that it’s normal not to know everything and that I will find out more as I progress.
- Talk about your feelings. There may be others who feel like imposters too — it’s better to have an open dialogue rather than harbour negative thoughts alone
- Consider the context. Most people will have experience moments or occasions where they don’t feel 100% confident. There may be times when you feel out of your depth and self-doubt can be a normal reaction. If you catch yourself thinking that you are useless,you reframe it: “the fact that I feel useless right now does not mean that I really am.”
- Reframe failure as a learning opportunity. Find out the lessons and use them constructively in future. This is a critical lesson for everyone.
- Be kind to yourself. You should Remember that you are entitled to make small mistakes occasionally and forgive yourself , also you don’t have to forget to reward yourself for getting the big things right.
- Seek support. Everyone needs help: you need to recognise that you can seek assistance and that you don’t have to do everything alone. This will give you a good reality check and help you talk things through.
- Visualise your success. You need to keep your eye on the outcome — completing the task or making the presentation, which will keep your focused and calm.
Summary:
At the end of the day, remember this: You are here for a reason. In this job, your business, your life, you are worthy. You are better than you think you are. You are smarter than you think you are. You know more than you give yourself credit for. Remember that. And remind yourself as often as you need to.
Bonus:
Watch this video and try to be like this little girl every day :).
Please feel free to write your thoughts / suggestions / feedbacks.
References:
https://www.themuse.com/advice/5-different-types-of-imposter-syndrome-and-5-ways-to-battle-each-one
